Bras, Brain Rot, and the Internet Outrage Machine
In 48 hours: Liz Gilbert hot takes, death videos, and Jimmy Kimmel canceled. The internet rewards outrage; all I get is cognitive dissonance and brain rot.
Hello Unfuckers!
(Yeah, I’m trying it out. Too much? Just right? You tell me.)
I find myself—once again—sitting slightly outside this social-media experiment we’ve all been dropped into, wondering: what the actual fuck is happening?1
In 48 hours: I posted a video complaining that Liz Gilbert2 and half of social media had overshared her new memoir All the Way to The River so thoroughly there was nothing left to discover in the actual book. Then next, I’m hearing about videos of a young man’s graphic death circulating online. Then Jimmy Kimmel gets “fired for free-speech violations” by the very people who claim to be dying on the free-speech hill. And suddenly I’m reading another “priv lit” takedown of Gilbert—this time because she dared to be human, admit to codependency and love-and-sex addiction, and grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. 3
During these times, I am afraid to open the apps. I don’t want to risk seeing what I can’t unsee. Even when I feel compelled to weigh in, I don’t. I don’t even want to say which books I recommend or write about what mental or physical practices might be good for you, because something in this place will twist it into a target.
I keep asking: how are any of us doing this?
And by this I mean working and sharing online. At the risk of sounding insensitive to the people actually living those horrors and putting that aside for a moment, I want to know: how do you hit publish when there are 3–5 breaking moments a day? How do you care for yourself when logging on exposes you to daily psychological violence and constant chaos? Do you get trapped in analysis-paralysis, consumed by what others will think or whether you’ll be canceled? Can you grow at all when the landscape rewards attention-grabbing and outrage?
It seems to me that if you weren’t already a face or a voice before algorithms took over, and if your content doesn’t contain some element of negativity, fear, or division, it won’t make the cut. And if it does? Welcome to the hornets’ nest—attack in the comments included. You have to be immune not only to what’s being shared, but to what people think of what you’re sharing.
I’ve drastically changed what I share over the years. I no longer write stream-of-consciousness about what’s happening in my life as a mother, woman, girlfriend. I’ve lobbed myself into a “safe and sharable” zone of prescriptive anecdotes. Part of that comes from being in a 12-step recovery program these last few years and untangling who I was vs who I am and want to be; a larger part comes from how trying to grow online grooms you to perform for others and the platforms. What the ladder has done, I believe, dull my voice down.
Yesterday, Meta announced they’ll “help you tune your algorithm.” Supposedly for us. Tbh, I can’t think of a worse idea than limiting our feeds to only what we already like and agree with. It sounds like dating people who think, believe, and behave exactly like you do. I’d be my own worst nightmare. Sounds like little to no spiritual, mental, or emotional growth and a very limited experience.
Based on all that is happening, I *think I understand why they are doing it.4 But I think they are missing the plot: it’s not about serving me the “right” memes and headlines at all. For me, it’s about consent—about how I experience the media being pushed at me. I want the news. I want to hear all sides. I don’t want to be ambushed by graphic imagery in the process. That’s the customization I’m looking for.
These platforms (Substack included) roll out features “for us” while actually gaslighting us:
THIS will help you grow.
THIS will reach new audiences.
THIS will connect you with your people.
THIS!!!
And I’m the guiltiest—falling for it, gaslighting myself with the same script: THIS is what I have to do if I’m going to survive online. Meanwhile, my nervous system fries.
Then the mental gymnastics kick in: I don’t want to be on this thing / I have no choice but to be on this thing.
The cognitive dissonance is as real as the brain rot.
Oddly, what this all makes me want to do is retreat to talking bras, lingerie and sex toys. Maybe I’m nostalgic for when teaching women their bra size felt meaningful and selling sex toys felt exciting.5 Standing in the dressing rooms of my lingerie store, listening to women share what was happening in their personal lives and how they were moving through it was, in some ways, a simpler time for me.
When the girlies talk about yearning, this is what I think of. Not a man calling me ‘good girl’, not packing up my life and moving to Paris. I yearn for activities that connect me with people in real life.6 I want conversations that unfold in person, not in the comments. I want to feel the human exchange, not their curated feed.
Because what I miss isn’t just lingerie or toys. It’s the sense of intimacy, the kind that happens when you show up in a room with someone else, when you laugh together, confess together, and walk out feeling a little more alive. That’s the connection I long for. That’s what pulls me out of the racket that pretends the internet is the only place we learn, stay current, or grow.
I remember in 2020 deciding to stay offline around the election. 7I had the sneaking suspicion that when the results were announced, they would find me anyway. I didn’t need the platform to tell me what was happening. And I wasn’t wrong! Walking across the ‘pedestrian bridge’ one day, horns and flags and shouting told me everything I needed to know.
Somewhere along the line, I lost trust that what I need to know will find me, and that what I put into the world will find the people who need it. That in the in-between, I can just be.
Because the algorithm of the Universe never fails.
Okay, these two episodes were the tits and I’m sure there are other but everyone should listen to the them before giving their hot takes: Fresh Take on NPR Elizabeth Gilbert opens up about sex, drugs and codependency in a new memoir and Rich Roll w/ Liz Gilbert: Beyond Eat Pray Love- The Raw Truth About Addiction, CoDependency & The Awakening That Saved Her Life
As if addiction cares about your zip code or tax bracket. Listen above for a better understanding and education around the deep stigma surrounding sex and love addiction.
Who am I kidding? They’re distracting us with the rhetoric of “giving us control” while, behind the scenes, they’re the ones doing the controlling.
Also not new but happened last week when I removed myself from the internet and went to Top Drawer in Houston. I recorded a video —a vlog??— that I have yet to post because the internal debate of ‘is this okay to say right now’ continues, but I did make this tiny REEL. The store is gorg and if you haven’t been, you need to go! And frankly, I still got it when it comes to picking out bras!
I’ve taken to this crazy new action that is smiling and saying hello to people in public. Absolutely unnerving to my introvert inside but actually rewarding in other ways!
IMO, that year marks the beginning of the internet hell-scape we find ourselves in today.