Looking For 'Serious Fun'

Can the attitude of 'Serious Fun', that proved to work with sex & dating, work equally as well with Substack & Instagram?

I went shopping over the weekend when I felt the itch and urge to be on instagram. It was only the second time, the first being a few days prior to this one, since getting off at the end of October.

It was a decision I made and wrote about because I felt like my brain had been consumed and conditioned to think and create in 60-90 second spurts. That I had become somewhat numb and a little dumbed down by all of it. After twelve years of being on it, I was feeling a little burned out.

When people asked me what it was like to be off Instagram, the answer came quick; it felt like I shut down the entire marketing department of my company and was finally free from what had become a very unhealthy work environment.

I still believe that part to be true and have not missed, even the slightest, thinking about instagram in that context.

What I have missed is my Instagram fam and our engagement.

The light fun of posting a pic in a new pair of jeans. (couldn’t help myself and did that before finishing this column)

Of sharing a column or rant and having you to talk it through with. (also quickly shared last weeks column because parents preparing to empty the nest is something we could all use some insight, perspective and laughs on/about)

And I’ve missed the fun it was. Why does everything have to get so serious?!

I don’t miss posting and wondering if I’ll get likes or shadow banned. I don’t miss watching my brain work in virtual, looking for and creating reels and content out of everything I experience.

I don’t miss the stat looping.

The last six weeks I focused all my energy on Substack with the idea that I was with a like-minded community of writers and readers indulging and sharing in our creative writing and work. Which I was and continue to be.

But because I have a brain and Substack has some added features like Notes (think Twitter/X), Statistics for posts/subscribers and well, people, it’s impossible for my brain not to do on this platform what I am prone to do on Instagram.

Scroll.

However, there is a slight difference for me on Notes than on Instagram, if you can believe that. I have found myself hi-jacked, even slightly transfixed by it.

You should have seen me last week watching some drama unfold on Notes between writers and readers. Think of the audience at a Jerry Springer show or watching the Real Housewives of whatever being recorded while they’re having a heated moment.

With wide eyes I watched the comments and re-sharing and the public demands and the threats flew back and forth as I inhaled the popcorn.

Wait, what?! What is actually happening here??!!

Of all the things I thought I might find on Substack, I did not foresee, and I hate to use this language, but it’s the only sentence that comes to mind, this subset of people shit all over each other.

How did I not see that coming? Good question.

Maybe for the same reason I didn’t expect to see these same writers who are using Substack to grow their readership, and potentially (or not) be able to monetize from it, shit all over the functionality and benefits of the new features the platform has and continues to roll out.

Perhaps this is the glaring undertone that can’t be ignored with social media, socialization, society.

It seems there will always exist a town center, a crowd that gathers and a stake ready to burn it and everyone down.

There is an old French saying Occupe-toi de tes oignons. I wish I could tell you I learned this because I’ve been busy practicing my French; because I said I would spend all my free time off Instagram learning how to speak it; because I vowed I would not get back on Instagram until I could have, at the very least, a small conversation in French, but I actually learned it while watching Emily in Paris.

It’s fine. I’m judging myself too.

Anyway, Occupe-toi de tes oignons literally translates to ‘it’s not your onions’ but means mind your own business.

So I’ve been minding my own business on Substack; with the exception of commenting on one of the first posts made in reference to the shit show I described above, a comment I still stand by; while simultaneously wondering, how is my staying here any more justified than Instagram?

I am going to look up how to say, ‘get back to business’ in French.

It’s literally why I’m here; to write… which can feel a little serious… but also to have fun with you in the process.

I have this vivid memory of my second husband and I when we were in the early stages of dating. We were lying on the floor half naked, sweating from the late August heat and vog that tends to rest on Maui during the late summer months, discussing our relationship and potential future.

I’ll never forget telling him, ‘if it’s not fun, I’m not doing it.

The rest of my life is so serious and heavy.‘

At the time, that felt very true. It was a full blown, constant unfolding drama of divorce, an angry ex, death, a lot of drinking and learning how to be a single working parent.

It was the absolute opposite of fun. Which I’ve learned is what a lot of life can be like.

Simply not fun.

The same can be said for social media, regardless of the platform.

Unless…. and I’m just spitballing here… we, or maybe just I, not take it all so seriously.

Make it fun. Find the fun. Be the fun.

Like I proposed that late summer night.

Like that time a dating app asked me what I was looking for. I didn’t want anything serious, but I wanted to have fun so I went with

‘I’m looking for Serious Fun’.

Like I have been with life of late.

It’s not lost on me that things become less fun when I make them or take myself too seriously.

Speaking of…

Do y’all remember this summer when I decided to stop dating casually? That part doesn’t matter. What does matter is that, once I arrived at this conclusion, I thought to start leading with it.

Meaning when I met someone, if there was mutual interest, I would have a conversation and let them know my intentions; that I was looking for a relationship; that I was dating to find one person to consistently bring me a cup of coffee each morning; that I wasn’t interested in just hooking up or casual sex.

First of all, who knew how efficient and effective having this conversation could be? Talk about streamlining and separating the room. Strangely, I did find myself apologizing and saying things like ‘I’m sorry if casual was all you were looking for…. if you had just met me a few weeks ago I would have been perfect…’ I have no idea why I felt compelled to say these things, but there we were.

Secondly, I’m guilty of throwing out some mixed signals to a few of my previous casual lovers (apologies have been made) but want you, Dear Reader, to know the process wasn’t … isn’t… perfect.

Lastly, my 2023 The Sex is Great Wrapped post where I will be making sense of why I decided to stop casually dating, how I chose to approach it and whether or not I came out on top, is forthcoming.

Will it come out on Instagram?

Seriously, I don’t know.

I just know I am going to have fun with it...

and hopefully not start any fights with the men that were involved.