Unf*cking Midlife
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Dating May Include Side Effects
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Dating May Include Side Effects

Ep 5: How hard can you love yourself?

On this week’s episode, Dating May Include Side Effects, I’m discussing how the process can feel like emotional rollercoaster and the side effects that come with it, like feeling rejected, embarrassed, or addicted to checking messages, may leave you wanting to quit altogether, or worse, make the outcomes mean something negative about you. You are going to feel stretched. However, I want to reassure you that such feelings are normal and linked to the brain's natural response to discomfort and the unknown.

I was reminded of a podcast episode I recorded almost exactly two years ago, Be Your Own Best Date and how it set off my journey to ditch all the self imposed rules I had around dating and become more open to the process.

What if there was a different way to go about it? A more rational approach to dating that focuses on facts and circumstances rather than getting caught up in emotional drama.

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I've noticed the people in my life that end up in partnership, are not only mentally resolved, but have adopted what I call an “All Math, No Drama” mindset.

Additionally, don't let societal expectations and pressures related to being in a relationship or married be an indicator of your self worth or value. Focus on your own healing and self-love, rejecting the notion that you have to in "something" to be worthy of love.

Dating may include side effects, but there is a way for you to treat them: A Pleasure Practice! Solo sex, self touch, self pleasuring, turn on and orgasms are the best way to rewire the brain, remove limited beliefs and blocks, and integrate new ways of experiencing not only yourself, but the world.

What we are exploring: 🍯

  • The Motivational Triad: Our Human Design is to Seek Pleasure, Avoid Discomfort, Be Efficient

  • Feeling overwhelmed and wanting to quit is a normal response to the challenges of dating

  • Learn how to go inward and focus on your emotional experience, rather than on what the other person is doing

  • All Math, No Drama: To dial down the emotions, adopt a new way to approach dating where you focus on facts rather than drama

  • Societal expectations about relationships and marriage can impact one's self-worth, but self-love is crucial

  • Explore a "pleasure practice" of solo sex and orgasms as a way to rewire the brain and promote self-love

For the Sex is Great Supporting Subscribers…. Let's Go Deeper 🦹🏻‍♀️📚🤼

To receive the video of this podcast recording and the corresponding worksheet that offers the questions and journal prompts mentioned + additional ones for you to use as prompts for deeper inquiry subscribe as a supporting member ❤️

Let’s learn to lose ourselves in the moment, not the (hu)man

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Ashley Kelsch