17 Comments
Dec 7, 2023Liked by Ashley Kelsch

I try to take the fun approach, dare I say being "serious about having fun" which I think is slightly different. I am not activing looking for a life time commitment but in the act of having fun if it develops into that cool. I also am not looking for hooking up with as many females I can. If i "click" with someone cool...but i have no predetermined design that i am seatching for ms right for the rest of my life. Dating to me is a process. I chose to make that process fun as opposed to a task or a job. Of course it is a process with no predetermined completion or "product"... It my reply makes no sense its because I having finished my dunkin coffee yet.

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I like this plan, Art! And your coffee choice!! ☕️

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Dec 8, 2023Liked by Ashley Kelsch

Okay I just saw this coffee being advertized ... thought provoking blends...https://www.risingcockcoffeeco.com/collections/coffee-by-the-bag

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Haahaaaa this week only- SCORE a shot! What great adverts 😂😜🫠

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I think it’s biological. Men tend to separate emotions from sex more than women. And I don’t think it’s embarrassing any more than it’s embarrassing for women to catch feelings. Understanding what makes us tick is part of the human experience. And if we do not embody gender stereotypes- the man who needs to be in love before sex or the woman who prefers casual sex - that’s okay, too. Just wrote about this, actually: https://open.substack.com/pub/evanmarckatz/p/do-men-want-more-sex-than-women?r=5xgs2&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post

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Thank you for sharing! I read and again, can’t argue with the data presented and like you noted, others have lived a different experience. I’ll add to that that we are now starting to see more data that supports the counter. Data that couldn’t be or wasn’t considered because women and sex has been policed and stigmatized for centuries. Women are less likely to share their sexual affairs or fantasies out of fear and the very real shame and stigma that is placed on us just for being women. Thankfully we are moving past the fringues - and this includes all genders- of normalizing sexuality, desire and understanding human impulses. Again, like you noted, it’s a very nuanced.

I believe that we will see the empirical data over the next few decades reveal a very take than the one we have now that was formed in the Victorian ages and by Freud.

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This is the way internet comment sections are SUPPOSED to work!

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Which was the original point of my post! Ahhh, we are having serious fun! I truly enjoy when we can bring different data, perspective and openness to a conversation - it’s growth for everyone

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Appreciate your share 😊

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Casual sex usually sounds like a good idea, except studies show that women often develop feelings and have regrets. Like communism, it’s better in theory than in practice.

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And where are all these men without regret and feelings? I could have used them during my casual era 😜

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I’m not disagreeing with what you’re saying, and know that a ‘switch’ can go off, but I do wonder if the ideology behind women experiencing regret or developing feelings (and men not) is more about conditioning than physiological make up.

What it implies about men - that they don’t experience emotions when connecting, even when casual -is kind of offensive, no? Men don’t have feelings? Can’t question if they should have or should not have. Can’t long for more. Can’t connect emotionally?

I’m surrounded by all types of men from friends to family to past romantic partners and that just isn’t my experience of them. It’s the opposite.

I can’t speak to the studies you’re talking about or the source of the data, but based on my empirical data of my clients, my personal experience and from listening to men and women talking about their dating and sex lives for the last 20 plus years- a lived experience - I have found that’s it’s not so binary.

I know few people who can date casually because they can’t manage their minds and emotions. The drama ensues before they get their clothes on. I think that is human nature.

I also think people aren’t not skilled in the ‘how’ of casual relationships and lack the capacity to openly communicate, hold boundaries and maintain a practice of care.

Not to mention, most people are not being honest -and maybe they aren’t aware and it’s deeply subconscious, but they want more than casual but try to act cool about it eventually stirring emotions.

Communion is a great example; when you believe in the practice or ritual and have an understanding of why you are eating and drinking the blood of Christ, what it stands for, the connection between spirit and man/woman, washing away your sins, it can transformative and awakening.

If you’re mindful and intentional when doing so.

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Dec 8, 2023Liked by Ashley Kelsch

I am no mental health expert but i would imagine narisstic and antisocial personalities would be the least likely to develop connections... the % of the types is small... but men are more prevelant in both groups. Here is stuff pulled from Internet. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) affects about 6.2% of the adult population in the United States. However, men are more likely to have NPD than women. Research shows that 7.7% of men have diagnosable NPD, compared to 4.8% of women. NPD is a mental illness that's characterized by: Grandiosity, A lack of empathy, An overinflated sense of self-importance, A need for excessive admiration. Antisocial personality disorder: (ASPD) affects about 2% of the general female population. However, ASPD is three times more common in men than women.

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There’s some data!!! Damn, Art... way to bring another side

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Dec 8, 2023Liked by Ashley Kelsch

In mind this supports, except in those types of personalities, that we (both sexes) will develop some emotion with connecting. Of course how strong that connection will vary .. if you throw drugs and/or alcohol into the mix there maybe some numbing effect too.

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Also to be considered are attachment styles, belief systems that were developed etc. Very very nuanced

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