I woke up this morning with an unusual amount of dread. ‘I don’t want to do today’ is not an uncommon thought for me to wake to, but today it has never felt more true. Unlike most days where it’s the usual work, run be, repeat, today I am flying back to NM to pick an urn out for my Mothers ashes.
Right before my birthday last year; it would have fit. I'm sorry. I know that when my mother goes I will probably feel totally alone in this world. On the other hand, I won't have to carry all that weight around anymore. (My mother isn't an addict unless by addict you mean workaholism, or addicted to complaining. I was trying to talk to her about the effects of something that happened decades ago. She cut me off with, "I know I was a bad mom." with an implied 'shut up.' I did not say, "I thought we had established that decades ago - I was talking about something else," which is what came to mind.)
The untangling of these relationships can take our lifetimes. I’m sorry you have experienced this with your mom. I believe that at the end of the day, if we know our parents loved and valued us, we can let go of most any wrong made or done. But we sometimes never receive that or believe it. ❤️❤️❤️
Yeah. It´s more of an occasionally re-opened wound. She´s an ACOA and she had her own abuse problems. I dragged her into therapy when I was in and should have no better. I should´ve known better. But if I have to deal with her, I have to deal with it. Most of the time, it´s not a problem, but old age (and slow brain breakdown) has caused her to revert back to some of her bad habits.
Right before my birthday last year; it would have fit. I'm sorry. I know that when my mother goes I will probably feel totally alone in this world. On the other hand, I won't have to carry all that weight around anymore. (My mother isn't an addict unless by addict you mean workaholism, or addicted to complaining. I was trying to talk to her about the effects of something that happened decades ago. She cut me off with, "I know I was a bad mom." with an implied 'shut up.' I did not say, "I thought we had established that decades ago - I was talking about something else," which is what came to mind.)
At least you have that your mom was proud of you.
elm
it's been years and years since i heard that
The untangling of these relationships can take our lifetimes. I’m sorry you have experienced this with your mom. I believe that at the end of the day, if we know our parents loved and valued us, we can let go of most any wrong made or done. But we sometimes never receive that or believe it. ❤️❤️❤️
Yeah. It´s more of an occasionally re-opened wound. She´s an ACOA and she had her own abuse problems. I dragged her into therapy when I was in and should have no better. I should´ve known better. But if I have to deal with her, I have to deal with it. Most of the time, it´s not a problem, but old age (and slow brain breakdown) has caused her to revert back to some of her bad habits.
Thank you!
elm
💜