death and taxes

I woke up this morning with an unusual amount of dread. ‘I don’t want to do today’ is not an uncommon thought for me to wake to, but today it has never felt more true. 

Unlike most days where it’s the usual work, run, be, repeat, today I am flying back to NM to pick out an urn for my Mothers ashes. 

I still find it odd that I didn’t feel her when she left the material world. 

But I also know it’s because she, her energy spirit or soul, hightailed it to Germany. She told me at least that much Wednesday and Thursday through a variety of random conversations with other people before I got the call that she was found dead. 

Found peacefully from a cause that appears to have been fast. We all feel relief from that; her life amongst the living was the epitome of the opposite. 

I’m used to my mom leaving. Fleeing and running. But not coming back? 

This is the first.