Your Friends Dating Your Former Lovers
from the archives- how likely are you to 'refer' your former dates out?
Hey Foxy Friend,
I know I promised a column yesterday on what this last year has been like since my mom passed away, but I opted to not hit publish. The more I sat with yesterday marking ‘officially one year’ the more I felt the need to be quiet and hold that space for myself.
To publish it now would mean engaging with my emotions outwardly with each of you, which I want to do, but not until I have a few more breaths on my own.
For now, here is an advice column I wrote for Tribeza JULY 30, 2021. It’s never been shared here on Substack. I’m not sure how it applies to my current beliefs today, but I think it’s an interesting topic AND a great exercise in seeing where I was mentally then vs where I am now.
I have to admit, part of the reason I thought to share it has everything to do with the fact that only days ago I tried to set my friend up with a guy I dated this year. He’s a 10 out of 10 in my experience.
A rating I’m confident to give because I’ve been there.
It’s possible it might have been weird to each of them, but my thought was this;
If the love and fun isn’t meant to be between us, why would I not want someone else to experience all that goodness?
Why would I keep it to myself or restrict others from it?
Full transparency, I wouldn’t be as willing or open to suggest the person or people I’m currently dating to my friends. I’m not that evolved…
yet 🤷♀️ question mark (said like ron burgundy)
Let’s read as a community, dissect and discuss!
Love you friends,
stay foxy🦊
(again, like ron burgundy)
I REMEMBER THIS MOMENT in time during my sophomore year of high school when my friend and I both noticed and fell for the same boy while standing in the lunch line. Each day, we hoped to be somewhere near or in the vicinity of said boy so we could maybe get his attention. At the very least, we wanted to be near him so we — okay, just me — could smell that intoxicating combo of his after gym sweat and Calvin Klein cologne.
This went on for weeks: My friend and I would stand there face to face, talking but not too seriously in case he wanted to speak with us. Or, we might stand side by side in silence so he knew we were there and available in case he wanted to say something … anything!
One day, as we were walking away with our foil-wrapped hotdogs or something, he said, “Hey.” We both turned and looked at him, and he added, “Would you like to go out with me?”
I started to answer “yes,” but didn’t get it out because my friend said, “Which one of us are you talking to?”
As fast and fleeting as that moment was, I do remember realizing that maybe he wasn’t talking to me.
And then he looked at my friend and said, “You.”