That's So Mid #7: Feels like January 49th
Fran Lebowitz, Substack Writers Who Got Intimate, and a Few Good Distractions for the Months that Feel Never-Ending
We have entered an unbearable era, said Fran Lebowitz on stage last night at the Paramount Theatre.
I heard there is a four-year-long cruise… I would never go on it, but you could. You could go and drift away for four years and then come back when it's all over...
This was my second time attending one of her live conversations, and just like the last, I found myself laughing the entire time and resonating with much of what she said. Like someone telling her, When you were twenty in NY, life was more fun than it is now. To which she responded:
If you're not having fun at twenty—trust me, you won't have fun when you get older. Life doesn’t get more fun the older you get, she said.
It’s hard to argue with that. As you depart your twenties, you (hopefully) start to wake up to the world around you and notice—holy shit—there is a lot of pain and suffering. All. The. Time. And you realize, it’s always been this way.
At 74, she is still unapologetically delivering quick-witted, deadpan answers, existing as an anomaly. Last night, I also learned she invented the idea of a sit-down interview in front of an audience. Like most great inventions, she said, it was inspired by sloth. After years of reading from her book in front of a room, she grew tired of it but didn’t have a new book to read from. When someone invited her to do a reading, she asked, “Can’t we just sit down, and you ask me questions?”
The woman balked: “What do you mean?”
“Like an interview,” Fran said, “but in front of everyone.”
The woman dismissed it: “No, that would never work.”
Here’s to Fran Lebowitz for not only making it work and making a living doing it but also mastering its art.
If you are a writer, an artist, or someone struggling to trust your gut and do things your way, I encourage you to tune into any conversation with Fran or go all in with Pretend It’s A City. Absolutely see her live if you have the opportunity.
Maybe Fran is right—life doesn’t get “more fun,” but maybe it can get more bearable if we stop resisting what is. That’s what I’ve found through my spiritual practice. Rather than arguing with reality, you accept what’s happening and allow your very human emotions to be processed. Not trying to change the things around me or my emotions about them.
There is an acceptance that all aspects of life—joy, pain, shadow, and light—are equally part of the human experience. It’s about integrating all experiences as part of your path, rather than resisting or labeling them.
Easier said than done at times, I know. The world may feel totally out of our/my control, but I’m choosing to double down on loving myself and those around me—no matter what my mind, society, or the state of the world has to say about it.
Of course, we are only human and need a break errr distraction sometimes. Here’s where I found mine recently.
Substack reads that got my attention—>
I came across a post titled Casual Sex is Not Starvation by
and I couldn’t agree more with the title—or the sentiment behind it.I don’t have any strong opinions on Jillian Turecki’s work since I don’t follow or subscribe to her, but I’m very aware of who she is. I don’t know a woman who doesn’t reference her when talking about her narcissist ex. That said, this post felt slightly refreshing when it comes to women and casual sex.
As a woman who spent a decade single and dating—moving through society’s imposed shame, assumptions about my motives, and outdated ideas about my value—I fully agree:
Casual lovers can have a depth of intimacy not found in some of the longest relationships.
Sex doesn’t define the depth of intimacy.
And my most intimate relationships have had nothing to do with sex.
There’s a saying the kids have these days—It’s not that deep.
Sex can be as simple as two people exchanging pleasure. Period.
Pleasure: your birthright. Period.
It’s not settling. It’s not pretending. It’s not trying to be cool.
Unless… you’re not being honest with yourself or your partners.
Speaking of women having open conversations about sex—this note and image shared by
from her CHAT is everything, and I want to see and hear more of it.
On intimacy,
wrote a beautiful think piece called Third Place Relationships. It’s touching, tender, and… and… something we should all be thinking about. has completely captured my attention. Nearly everything she writes feels like a fresh breath of air—then settles deep, resonating in my marrow. Her piece Attractions of Deprivation hit especially hard.No coincidence that it speaks to attachment, choosing unavailable men, and how our nervous systems create meaning out of something that hasn’t even become anything yet. Much like my first UM episode explores.
If you haven’t listened to Unfucking Your Dating Life: Brain-Based Tools for Lasting Change with Elisabeth Kristof, I encourage you to do it now.
What I am listening to…
I’ve gotten way into Kate Northrup this past year. You may recognize her name—she’s the daughter of Christiane Northrup, author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.
I was thrilled to see that she recently interviewed another one of my favorite teachers, Carolyn Lovewell, author of Existential Kink. By the end of the conversation, you’ll fully understand shadow work—and probably learn a few witchy things you didn’t know you needed. ;)
It may even inspire you to order her book. You can check it out on my Bookshop page here.
I had a chance to watch A Real Pain. Written and directed by Jesse Eisenberg, this film captures Poland, the Holocaust, and the weight of generational trauma—while navigating the awkwardness of touring one of history’s most horrific events. With humor. I also saw A Complete Unknown. To be honest, Bob Dylan isn’t exactly a complete unknown to me, but I don’t listen to his music. Or at least, I didn’t think I did. Holy cats—he’s been covered by everyone. After seeing it I listened to this episode on Fresh Air for some b.t.s interviews from years ago. I’m just 55 years late to this artist. *iykyk
Lastly, don’t sleep on For Your Approval with Ellen Degeneres.
Now, tell me—what’s been your best distraction lately? A book, a show, a wildly unnecessary deep dive into some niche topic? Drop it in the comments—I want to know.
Oh, and here’s to the shortest month of the year—my birthday month— may it actually feel like 28 days, not 49 :)
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