I just love the feeling of the holidays. I know it's mostly made up commercial bs, but I still love the feeling. Twice in my life, both around 60 years ago I had a magical Christmas experiences. One when I got my first bicycle, the second was a large family gathering and a sing along 😁 really. So long ago and and like your Folgers memory tears come to my eyes. I've out lived all of my family. Born when both my parents were near forty, an only child with a grown half brother of my mothers'. My mother was abandoned in the great Republican depression and grew up in an orphanage. You'd think she might have tried to make my young life a little better. Nope. Many a day I left for school with lips bleeding from the back of my mothers' hand. I don't remember him trying to stop her. And so much more I won't go on. I could write a book.
There's a point here somewhere. Try to find one good memory and hold on. When you think back, that good memory will pop up, not the fist on the table.
Thank you for sharing your story here and the ever powerful reminder to always look back for the good- it's usually there and in more quantity than we first account for. Happy Holidays ❤️
Ashley, I am going to apologize for this long reply. You touched a nerve or an emotion. I like many are haunted by Christmas past. I was lucky as a kid as my parents got all excited about it and I had my paternal grandparents there every Christmas morning until I turned 18. It truly was magical. But it gradually changed and now I kind of dread it, like that root canal you have to get or maybe those increasing shots we need to keep getting.
It’s funny that I can actually point to the events that changed it. The first was likely getting a job while in college where I worked in a department store and the hours kept getting longer for those holiday shoppers. The next was the passing of my paternal grandfather in November one year. Then there was a marriage to my estranged wife who never wanted to visit with any family, including hers, during the holidays. That was stressful just dealing with that noise. At least that is done.
The numbness has gotten progressively worse though. My mother, who was an outstanding cook at Christmas time, got dementia/ Alzheimer's. I could deal with not having her cook but she doesn’t even recognize me now. You mentioned your mother passing away this year. My condolences. My father passed on Oct 19th, which as I think about it, it’s only a few weeks shy of when my grandfather passed so many years ago, again right before the holidays. I am not sad about it as he was 87 and was not in good shape (I even commented he looked better in his casket than he did when he was alive, yeah I guess I am a bit harden)
My daughter is married and has six kids, with a seventh on the way. She and her husband have always wanted Christmas day to be just “their family”, which doesn’t include the grandpa watching the kids open their gifts like I experienced as a kid. Plus they live hours away. For a while my daughter had this great thing going where she was cooking Christmas cookies and sending them to me…. But that was five grandkids ago. I tried to get the oldest to take over the reins but no dice. My son lives with me and he is an adult and we just try to chill.
Then there is the work BS. For most of the year bosses threat coworkers like shit but we are supposed to break bread together for a holiday party, like we are “family.” Historically, I have avoided those with some success as I hate hypocrisy. About 3 years ago I was lucky to have a boss and work environment where I didn’t need to avoid it and enjoyed it. However, that like so many events is a ghost of Christmas past as I got a new boss who is an ass and all my cool coworkers have accordingly left as he is so toxic.
I have become use to fact that things will never be like they were when I was a kid. Probably, the only thing I have to be cognizant of is not to ruin the experience for others. Hence, I might just put a steak on the grill, fire up a good cigar, and sip on a good bourbon, alone reminiscing about my ghosts from Christmas past. This year I might add a Christmas wish for you that you get the guy who makes you coffee and brings it to you in the morning. (Keep your hopes alive.... this time of year I get mistaken for Bad Santa a lot!)
Art, I first want to thank you for adding to your list me wish of coffee... seriously, too sweet! I wish for you a holiday that brings forth that once magical feeling you had- served with a great steak and a better than good bourbon. Perhaps this is a tradition you and your son could partake in? Either way, make sure he makes you a cup of *not Folgers* coffee Christmas morning ❤️
I just love the feeling of the holidays. I know it's mostly made up commercial bs, but I still love the feeling. Twice in my life, both around 60 years ago I had a magical Christmas experiences. One when I got my first bicycle, the second was a large family gathering and a sing along 😁 really. So long ago and and like your Folgers memory tears come to my eyes. I've out lived all of my family. Born when both my parents were near forty, an only child with a grown half brother of my mothers'. My mother was abandoned in the great Republican depression and grew up in an orphanage. You'd think she might have tried to make my young life a little better. Nope. Many a day I left for school with lips bleeding from the back of my mothers' hand. I don't remember him trying to stop her. And so much more I won't go on. I could write a book.
There's a point here somewhere. Try to find one good memory and hold on. When you think back, that good memory will pop up, not the fist on the table.
Please have a thanksgiving 🦃
Thank you for sharing your story here and the ever powerful reminder to always look back for the good- it's usually there and in more quantity than we first account for. Happy Holidays ❤️
Ashley, I am going to apologize for this long reply. You touched a nerve or an emotion. I like many are haunted by Christmas past. I was lucky as a kid as my parents got all excited about it and I had my paternal grandparents there every Christmas morning until I turned 18. It truly was magical. But it gradually changed and now I kind of dread it, like that root canal you have to get or maybe those increasing shots we need to keep getting.
It’s funny that I can actually point to the events that changed it. The first was likely getting a job while in college where I worked in a department store and the hours kept getting longer for those holiday shoppers. The next was the passing of my paternal grandfather in November one year. Then there was a marriage to my estranged wife who never wanted to visit with any family, including hers, during the holidays. That was stressful just dealing with that noise. At least that is done.
The numbness has gotten progressively worse though. My mother, who was an outstanding cook at Christmas time, got dementia/ Alzheimer's. I could deal with not having her cook but she doesn’t even recognize me now. You mentioned your mother passing away this year. My condolences. My father passed on Oct 19th, which as I think about it, it’s only a few weeks shy of when my grandfather passed so many years ago, again right before the holidays. I am not sad about it as he was 87 and was not in good shape (I even commented he looked better in his casket than he did when he was alive, yeah I guess I am a bit harden)
My daughter is married and has six kids, with a seventh on the way. She and her husband have always wanted Christmas day to be just “their family”, which doesn’t include the grandpa watching the kids open their gifts like I experienced as a kid. Plus they live hours away. For a while my daughter had this great thing going where she was cooking Christmas cookies and sending them to me…. But that was five grandkids ago. I tried to get the oldest to take over the reins but no dice. My son lives with me and he is an adult and we just try to chill.
Then there is the work BS. For most of the year bosses threat coworkers like shit but we are supposed to break bread together for a holiday party, like we are “family.” Historically, I have avoided those with some success as I hate hypocrisy. About 3 years ago I was lucky to have a boss and work environment where I didn’t need to avoid it and enjoyed it. However, that like so many events is a ghost of Christmas past as I got a new boss who is an ass and all my cool coworkers have accordingly left as he is so toxic.
I have become use to fact that things will never be like they were when I was a kid. Probably, the only thing I have to be cognizant of is not to ruin the experience for others. Hence, I might just put a steak on the grill, fire up a good cigar, and sip on a good bourbon, alone reminiscing about my ghosts from Christmas past. This year I might add a Christmas wish for you that you get the guy who makes you coffee and brings it to you in the morning. (Keep your hopes alive.... this time of year I get mistaken for Bad Santa a lot!)
Art, I first want to thank you for adding to your list me wish of coffee... seriously, too sweet! I wish for you a holiday that brings forth that once magical feeling you had- served with a great steak and a better than good bourbon. Perhaps this is a tradition you and your son could partake in? Either way, make sure he makes you a cup of *not Folgers* coffee Christmas morning ❤️
Why thank you too!