I thought dating would simplify as an empty nester. Instead, it’s brought new challenges: how do I juggle my kids, boyfriend, and ex during the holidays?
Whenever it begins to wane, which happens often, you restore my faith in Gen X, I'll have you know that, Ashley. Hopefully you enjoyed your Thanksgiving.
Thank you Joe for reading and commenting. I’d like to think anecdotes like this will open people’s minds up a bit about their relationships after break ups. Give them new examples and/or perspectives, if you will 🪩
Seriously, though, on the subject of midlife changes—hitting middle age is a serious mindfuck in one major way...I look around at my peers, and can't even begin to figure out what happened to them.
That dude who listened to Satanic Norwegian Black Metal and talked about having Satanic orgies with tons of hot chicks? Oh yeah, he's totally barking about family values now and how we need to keep LGBTQ people locked up and away from society "for the children."
That anti-establishment punk-rocker dude who had a Mohawk and the "rip-the-system" shirt? He's gotten his tattoos removed and now works at a corporate job for a tech company, supports government book bans in Florida, and thinks his kids shouldn't be exposed to music with foul language.
And most people are miserable. Absolutely miserable. I'm convinced that your thirties through your fifties are when the fruits of life blossom, and a whole lot of people are now kicking themselves in the ass for how they've lived. That's all I can figure.
I've got some really great, solid friends, my close inner-circle, but most of the people on the periphery have dropped off—they just became way too uptight and grumpy. The worst part of midlife isn't what's happening to me, but what's happening to everyone else. I couldn't imagine having to actually *date* people at this point in life.
Have you experienced this?
Tell me I'm not alone here.
PS: The "baggage" is usually the best part of people. It's like those cool scars that people have, but on their soul. It's a stamp of well-worn character, a badge of honor from living and learning, and I'm glad we have it at this point.
You're not alone! I think some people - and I have been guilty of or known to do this- find themselves making decisions that they think are 'right' as decided by society in an effort to be happy/successful/ complete whilst forgetting that there is no right or wrong and we will always be teetering on feeling good and bad regardless of what we choose to stand for or against in life. The crux for me has been unraveling some of those life decisions made in an attempt to 'be good' and live up to what 'we are supposed to' and re setting to be a person who chooses in alignment with what is right for me. Ironically, living this way has left me with fewer friends because I have not conformed and they either don't want to associate with me because of how it looks or associate me to something negative but deep down wish they were able to live the life they wanted.
Absolutely. And don't even get me started on the MAGA phenomenon. It's been disappointing to watch as so many people change their entire personalities in some unfortunate ways. I'm all for personal growth and I think we should and do change in life, but if we do it right, that trajectory is a positive, not a negative one. Doing the ex-boyfriend-kids-family thing is one of those instances of "good" growth and progress. I think we've come to learn that family dynamics aren't as simple as we were promised throughout the entire 20th century, and we're now seeing a great realignment, and trying to force that idyllic family dynamic causes a lot of heartache and pain.
This is why I say you restore my faith in Gen X, as I watch so many people change in some unsavory ways, it's good to see thoughtful people still keeping it cool (does "cool" even exist anymore???). It's like we've collectively forgotten all the badass and unique things we can do. I probably should've clarified that in the original comment, but, I was dead tired, another strange midlife mindfuck that I'm still coming to terms with.
Please have a relaxing and enjoyable Thanksgiving.
I enjoy your writing; it reminds me of some issues I went through after my divorce.
Best to you, your partner, and your family.
Fred
Thank you, Fred!! Happy Holidays!!
Whenever it begins to wane, which happens often, you restore my faith in Gen X, I'll have you know that, Ashley. Hopefully you enjoyed your Thanksgiving.
Thank you Joe for reading and commenting. I’d like to think anecdotes like this will open people’s minds up a bit about their relationships after break ups. Give them new examples and/or perspectives, if you will 🪩
The whole world could use a little mind opening.
Seriously, though, on the subject of midlife changes—hitting middle age is a serious mindfuck in one major way...I look around at my peers, and can't even begin to figure out what happened to them.
That dude who listened to Satanic Norwegian Black Metal and talked about having Satanic orgies with tons of hot chicks? Oh yeah, he's totally barking about family values now and how we need to keep LGBTQ people locked up and away from society "for the children."
That anti-establishment punk-rocker dude who had a Mohawk and the "rip-the-system" shirt? He's gotten his tattoos removed and now works at a corporate job for a tech company, supports government book bans in Florida, and thinks his kids shouldn't be exposed to music with foul language.
And most people are miserable. Absolutely miserable. I'm convinced that your thirties through your fifties are when the fruits of life blossom, and a whole lot of people are now kicking themselves in the ass for how they've lived. That's all I can figure.
I've got some really great, solid friends, my close inner-circle, but most of the people on the periphery have dropped off—they just became way too uptight and grumpy. The worst part of midlife isn't what's happening to me, but what's happening to everyone else. I couldn't imagine having to actually *date* people at this point in life.
Have you experienced this?
Tell me I'm not alone here.
PS: The "baggage" is usually the best part of people. It's like those cool scars that people have, but on their soul. It's a stamp of well-worn character, a badge of honor from living and learning, and I'm glad we have it at this point.
You're not alone! I think some people - and I have been guilty of or known to do this- find themselves making decisions that they think are 'right' as decided by society in an effort to be happy/successful/ complete whilst forgetting that there is no right or wrong and we will always be teetering on feeling good and bad regardless of what we choose to stand for or against in life. The crux for me has been unraveling some of those life decisions made in an attempt to 'be good' and live up to what 'we are supposed to' and re setting to be a person who chooses in alignment with what is right for me. Ironically, living this way has left me with fewer friends because I have not conformed and they either don't want to associate with me because of how it looks or associate me to something negative but deep down wish they were able to live the life they wanted.
Absolutely. And don't even get me started on the MAGA phenomenon. It's been disappointing to watch as so many people change their entire personalities in some unfortunate ways. I'm all for personal growth and I think we should and do change in life, but if we do it right, that trajectory is a positive, not a negative one. Doing the ex-boyfriend-kids-family thing is one of those instances of "good" growth and progress. I think we've come to learn that family dynamics aren't as simple as we were promised throughout the entire 20th century, and we're now seeing a great realignment, and trying to force that idyllic family dynamic causes a lot of heartache and pain.
This is why I say you restore my faith in Gen X, as I watch so many people change in some unsavory ways, it's good to see thoughtful people still keeping it cool (does "cool" even exist anymore???). It's like we've collectively forgotten all the badass and unique things we can do. I probably should've clarified that in the original comment, but, I was dead tired, another strange midlife mindfuck that I'm still coming to terms with.