Unsolicited: Sex and the Single Woman Part 1
What often gets lost for women is the understanding that good sex isn't something that happens to you—it's something you participate in creating. Let me say it this way: pleasure is not outside of you
In this two-part series on sex, autonomy, and midlife exploration, I'm sharing both my personal journey and the insights I've gathered from working with hundreds of women. Today, we begin with my story of sexual freedom and self-partnership. Next week in Part 2, I'll explore why casual sex works beautifully for some women but leaves others feeling empty, offering reflective prompts to help you understand your own authentic desires.
"Get out now. You have maybe 10, max 15 good years left of sex. Go have it."
These words—delivered matter-of-factly across a dinner table in Paris by a woman in her late fifties—would fundamentally reshape my relationship with pleasure, partnership, and ultimately, myself.
I was in my mid-thirties at the time, fresh from expressing dissatisfaction about the partnership I was in and uncertain what I wanted. Her blunt assessment struck me as almost comical then. The idea that good — wait, great sex wasn't eternal? That menopause would bring hormonal shifts that weren't yet on my radar? It seemed distant, and impossible.
Now I understand her words were the paradigm shift I didn't know I needed—not just about sex, but about embracing life on my own terms.
It was a permission slip to explore both sexual freedom and the profound independence that comes with being truly comfortable in your solitude. In prioritizing great sex, I discovered something else: the power of being self-sufficient, emotionally complete without needing a relationship to validate my existence.
The Journey to Self-Partnered