Signal Over Noise, But Make it Pleasure
How a simple business principle became my guide to finding calm in the crazy
I was deep in meditation, trying to calm my anxiety-riddled nervous system, when I finally dropped out of my spinning head and into my body. That's when I felt it—a pulse. Not vague intuition. Not some abstract whisper. My pussy.
She was speaking.
As if she knew my oldest survival trick: the way I abandon my body when life gets too heavy. And she was calling me back, pulsing with certainty:
"I'm the answer."
God, why is everything about sex with me?
Days later, while doom-scrolling, I stumbled on an interview about Steve Jobs. The man implied that Jobs was practically impossible to work with but brilliant at one thing: Signal over Noise. He was very gifted at stripping away distractions, focusing only on what mattered, and silencing the rest.
And then it hit me: it's always about sex with me because it IS the answer. The pussy is the signal! That's what will silence the noise!
The Noise Is Coming From Inside The House
We joke (but are we joking??) that when it comes to sex, men "think with the wrong head." But we women do it too! Only ours is the one between our ears—the stressed-out, overthinking brain that won't stop. And that internal noise shuts down the very hormones and feel-good chemicals that prevent depression and anxiety, and blocks desire.
The noise is everything that drags us out of our bodies and into chaos:
The mental spin-cycle of what-ifs, the endless to-do lists
The resentment you swallow instead of speak
The late-night scrolling that numbs instead of soothes
Cortisol pumping through your veins, anxiety buzzing under your skin
The stories you rehearse about not being enough, not doing enough, not having enough time
Unfortunately, (sex) education fails to teach us that our most important sex organ is not your clitoris, not the g-spot, not your nipples, not the skin of your inner thigh, but your brain.
Yes. The human brain.
And when it's overloaded, fried with stress, rumination, and cortisol, it shuts everything else down and hijacks desire. That same brain is also the key to tuning back in and turning on.
The Scale of the Problem
More than one in three women have been diagnosed with depression at some point in their lifetime—that's 36.7% of women compared to just 20.4% of men. The American Psychological Association's 2024 survey found that 46% of women ages 40–55 reported feeling "constantly overwhelmed," compared to 32% of men in the same age range. Depression rates among women have been rising at nearly twice the rate of men since 2017.
When life gets stressful, pleasure is the first thing to go. We stop moving our bodies in ways that feel good. We stop asking for what we want. We stop doing the things that light us up from the inside. The noise convinces us that pleasure is frivolous, indulgent, something to earn after we've suffered enough.
But science and biology tell a different story.
Why We Choose the Quick Fix Instead
The cruel irony is that when we're stressed (which, let's be honest, is most of the time in midlife), our brains shut down our pleasure centers. Under stress, your brain says: "Grab the chocolate. Pour the wine. Scroll Instagram." Quick dopamine, fast relief.
But those concentrated kicks of dopamine are short-lived and unfortunately produce more stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine (adrenaline). They leave you more depleted, inflamed, and chemically wired for more stress.
Chronic stress literally works against the hormones required to feel good, let alone get in the mood for anything that might actually help us. Our brains process everything as urgent, deciding we have more important needs than pleasure. So those mechanisms shut down, leaving us depleted, anxious, and seeking relief in all the wrong places.
Pleasure can be a powerful tool for stress relief and nervous system regulation.
The Science of Pleasure as Medicine
Research shows that pleasure is chemistry. When we experience pleasure—not just sexual pleasure, but any kind of embodied joy—our bodies produce chemicals that can support our nervous systems. During sexual arousal and orgasm, our brains release:
Endorphins — natural pain relievers
Oxytocin — the bonding hormone
Dopamine — pleasure and motivation
Nitric oxide — promotes blood flow and relaxation
These neurotransmitters and hormones may help counteract stress hormones like cortisol and can contribute to reduced inflammation, improved immunity, and clearer thinking. Studies suggest that regular pleasurable activities—whether exercise, social connection, or sexual activity—can be beneficial for both mental and physical health.
If you don't prioritize healthy sources of pleasure, your body may seek feel-good chemicals through other means: drugs, alcohol, and sugar.
The signal—the pulse of pleasure, the wisdom of your body—is always there. But if you don't turn down the noise, you'll never hear it.
My Body's Awakening
That day in meditation, when my nervous system finally regulated after days of pumping cortisol, something profound happened. It wasn't just about sexual desire (though that was part of it). It was my body's entire wisdom system coming online after being shut down by chronic stress.
As soon as I tuned into my body during that meditation, I could feel how uncomfortable my insides felt—like a cauldron of boiling bubbles releasing static, frantic energy throughout my body. I felt sick. My body was pumping and dripping cortisol head to toe.
I realized I had been living so disconnected from my body's signals that I couldn't even recognize when she was trying to communicate with me. The anxiety, the tension, the exhaustion—these weren't just random symptoms to manage. They were my body's way of saying, "We need something different here."
My pussy speaking up was really my entire embodied wisdom system reminding me that pleasure isn't separate from my wellbeing—it's integral to it; that when I'm regulated and connected to my body:
I feel safe
I make better decisions
I'm more patient and present with the people around me
I'm more creative
I'm more resilient in the face of challenges
Beyond Sexual Pleasure: Your Body's Full Prescription
The answer doesn't always have to be sex/orgasm/touch, though sexual pleasure is certainly part of the prescription. Think of this as cross-training for stress resilience. Your nervous system gets the same benefits from:
A sweaty workout that leaves you high on endorphins (hence my 25-year habit of running)
Laughing with friends until your belly aches
Dancing in your kitchen to your favorite song
Putting on lingerie just for yourself and checking yourself out in the mirror
Saying yes to an orgasm—solo or partnered
Breathwork, meditation, or a long body scan
Sitting in the sun and feeling warmth on your skin
Taking a bath and actually feeling the water instead of mentally planning your next day
The common thread? They drop you out of your mind and back into your body. They complete the stress cycle instead of leaving you simmering in cortisol.
Choosing Your Body Over the Noise
In a culture that profits from us disconnecting from our bodies, listening to your body's wisdom is a rebellious act. We've been taught to override her signals, to push through discomfort, to prioritize productivity over presence. We've been taught that our bodies are problems to solve rather than allies to trust.
Learning to listen to my body has meant learning to say no to things that drain me, even when others expect me to say yes. It's meant asking for what I want, even when it feels vulnerable. It's meant prioritizing rest, pleasure, and joy as necessities, not luxuries.
It means understanding that taking care of your pleasure isn't selfish; it's strategic. When you're regulated and nourished, you have more capacity for everything else. When you're connected to your body's wisdom, you make decisions from a place of clarity rather than reactivity.
Some days this looks like prioritizing an orgasm because my body is craving that release and reset. Some days it looks like dancing in my kitchen while making dinner. Some days it looks like saying no to social obligations because my body needs quiet and rest.
The key is learning to distinguish between what your body actually wants and what you think you should want. Between what feels nourishing and what feels depleting. Between what lights you up and what dims your energy.
Your Invitation
The signal—the pulse—is always there. But you have to quiet the noise to hear it.
Ready to start building your own pleasure practice? If you're not a hands-on kind of person or want some support getting started, I've curated a collection of wellness tools that can help you tune into your body's signals and begin listening to what she's trying to tell you.
When was the last time you felt truly alive in your body? What was your body trying to tell you that you might have been ignoring?
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