That's So Mid #6: Seasons, Repeat Behaviors and Choosing Privacy Over Performance + a Life Changing Pie Crust Recipe

All of these should have been clues, signaling that it is the end of the year and that we have, yet again, gone through another season of seasons and cycled through the cycles.

Hello, and Welcome to That Time of Month & Year!

We all know it's the middle of the month, but has it occurred to you that it's the end of the year? Yes, my friends.

The end. I don't know about you, but when I heard the words float out of a person's mouth and into my reality, I briefly paused to question what the fuck they were talking about before realizing— holy cats! She is correct; it is the end of the year. It takes a lot of work to keep up with time when you are focused on finding Disco Ball ornaments for your tree, attempting to sign up for tennis lessons, picking up French apps, and contemplating if you should start running to race again.

All of these should have been clues, signaling that it is the end of the year and that we have, yet again, gone through another season of seasons and cycled through the cycles.

Literally, every time this year, as if I've heard enough of the English language the past 350-ish days, I become obsessed with the idea that I want to learn French. And I bring it up like it's new news when it's just me cycling through more of my same. (I know so many of you reading know!)

The real kick in the ass was last week I found myself cycling through yet another familiar dilemma—my hair. Should I grow it out? Go gray? I asked my daughter for her opinion, and she sent me a photo of a haircut from 2016.

A sobering moment.

Thank you, decades of social media, for this kind of accountability. Because as much as I'd like to believe I'm constantly evolving, that photo confirmed something unsettling: very little of what I think, say, or do is new or original. This gray-haired conversation? It's not the first time. It's the third or fourth time I've deluded myself into thinking it's new.

Isn't this human nature, though? Remembering and forgetting. Holding on and letting go. Grasping for change and then surrendering to what is.

For me, real change only happens when the pain of not changing outweighs the discomfort of staying the same. It's a process—this human thing. We're all in motion, striving for completion, yet never fully arriving.

It's rough out here for humans, brains, and limbic systems. We are a process always in process, striving for completion and closure, but I wonder if we ever fully arrive.

Is there a pattern or behavior that you cycle back and forth to? Is there a theme of seasons that you live out each year?

This year, though, I did break a pattern. For the first time in years, I pulled back—way back—from social media and the habit of oversharing my personal life. After years of living so publicly, I felt a vulnerability hangover of sorts.

I wanted to work out a new way of sharing that feels aligned with my sense of privacy (and that of others) while still keeping my connection with you.

For example, it's been over a year since I entered a romantic relationship, something I know few people would notice or think about. But I've never posted a photo of us online-- THIS IS MAJOR IN MODERN LOVE. I haven't written about the process of being in a relationship with him, either. After so much oversharing in the past, I needed to sit with myself and explore what it means to share intentionally, not reflexively.

This has been a year of uncovering new truths—some about what I want to keep private, others I feel ready to share more honestly. My recovery from alcoholism and addiction has been part of my story for years, but this year, I discovered a new layer—my relationship with spending and money. I haven't spoken about it publicly yet, because it's been a fuck-ton to process— especially given where I am financially in Midlife. It’s incredibly humbling.

Another change I’ve kept to myself this year has been stepping back from running to focus on building muscle and gaining weight. Emotionally and physically, it’s been a nearly year-long journey—one that’s challenged me in ways I think many women would relate to but rarely feel safe discussing. Gaining 10 pounds in 8 months—something I said I wanted—brought up complex feelings I wasn’t prepared for. Sharing those feelings honestly felt like an open invitation for a public takedown.

As this newsletter evolves, so will my approach to sharing.

Starting in January 2025, I will be placing a majority of posts behind a paywall to create a space that feels safe to share and connect with others and yes, generate an income.

What I don't want is to expose myself to people who troll, hate, or attempt to tear me down. It's unsuitable for my nervous system, and I'm no longer willing to sacrifice my peace for likes and engagement.

Here's what you can expect:

• That's So Mid: A mid-month (or week?) thought download and recommendations- Free

• Unsolicited: no one asked, but here are my thoughts

• Uncensored: behind the scenes; sex, body, money, relations

• Unf*cking Midlife: making sense of what happened, where we are, and where we're going.

I hope it will resonate with you and be helpful.

Whether it's breaking patterns, cycling back to familiar ones, or uncovering new truths, I’m here for all of it. And I hope you are, too.

Now, on to That’s So Mid— aka some of what I’ve been consuming this month—podcasts, posts, and people that are keeping me curious.

Sweet

Tolly Moseley

sent me a podcast from Glennon Doyle today that explores our complicated relationship with social media. I haven’t listened to it in its entirety, but she said ‘until you are ready to make wise decisions, you avoid your wise friends’ and that brings me to

Cody Cook-Parrott

. I paid to subscribe to them for a year because their personal experience to instagram mirrored mine. Not the hundreds of thousands of followers, but relationally speaking. Beyond that, I didn’t ‘hear’ much else that resonated and thought that was where the value in listening ended for me. The truth was, Cody has been speaking to much of what I’ve been processing this year around over-debting and spending but I wasn’t ready to make wise decisions and was avoiding their work.

I plan on renewing my membership for the new year and diving into some of the many workshops and resources they offer.

The Great Spending Ban

I was with my daughter and bestie at BookPeople a few months ago and they were talking about a book that moved them to tears. I told them both I couldn’t remember the last book that moved me to tears. Fast forward 6 hours later and I was sobbing 3/4 of the way through Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin - She did an incredible job writing about two characters whose love and connection reaches relationally beyond the romantic. It’s a must read.

A Pie Crust Recipe - Seventeen years ago, while living on Maui, a friend brought pies to a Friendsgiving I was hosting. There was something about the crust that stood out—it had this salty, buttery quality that I loved even more than the filling.

Curious, I asked her what kind of frozen shells she was using, and she just laughed. Later, she sent me a recipe that turned out to be a game-changer. Fun fact: it’s my first-ever starred email in Gmail! I’ve never bought a frozen crust since. Over the years, I’ve shared this recipe countless times via email or screenshots because almost everyone who tastes my pie asks the same question: Is this a frozen shell?

Here it is—just in time for the holidays. I hope it becomes a staple in your kitchen too!

If the title doesn’t pull you in, I don’t know what to tell you. I will tell you I lol’d more than once and wholly related. Thank you

Lindsay Byron

for your realness.

Depressed Old Lady Strips and Feels Alive Again

This one by MJ Lenderman is on repeat. My daughter seems surprised by my choice—which, frankly, I find offensive. It’s not festive, but it’s upbeat in a bad break-up kind of way. Whiny boy vocals paired with guitar twang? So good. Don’t miss Joker Lips…

I’ve been enjoying reading—though maybe not as much as she’s enjoying her orgasms—

Rebecca Ferguson

‘s column 3000 Orgasms.

“At first, I tracked orgasms as a fun experiment. But soon, I realised it was about more than just the numbers. Tracking gave me insight into patterns I’d never noticed before — like how morning sex almost always led to more orgasms than late-night sessions. It wasn’t about hitting a specific goal but about understanding my body’s rhythms and preferences. And guess what? Awareness unlocked even more pleasure.”

Not into the apps? Journal and see what you discover!

How Tracking 3000 Orgasms Changed My Life