'I heard everything you said,' I said as I walked alongside my friend. It was a phrase I learned from her, though perhaps it's not so much the phrase as the practice. She's one of the few people in my life who listens so hard that when there's silence, she echoes, "I'm still listening."
I had no idea I lacked listening skills until I started a career that required me to hear people. Until then, I think I conversed in a style more like a tennis match, volleying sentences back and forth as a way of relating. You say something, I say something back. And so on. Or worse, a parallel monologue where you're talking about one thing, and I'm talking about another. It works, sure, but it’s not exactly a ‘proper exchange.’
Today, I think I’ve grown into a good—if not great—listener. It’s not uncommon for someone talking to me on the phone to ask, 'Are you there?' I'll say, ‘I’m here. I was listening,’ and mirror back what they said.
Despite becoming a better-than-average listener, I continue to grapple with feeling unheard by the people close to me and struggle to communicate what I’m thinking and feeling.
Which comes as no surprise; my mind has a mind of its own. You might be wondering, what does that even mean? It’s a good question. Let me explain.
I just spent the last 10-plus weeks doing a daily 20-minute meditation. (I mentioned beginning this process in That’s So Mid #3: The Power of Pause.) Nowadays, most of us know what meditation is: a process of observation, if you will. It’s a practice of not thinking thoughts but becoming aware of them—to bring us into the present moment and maybe even create some calm.
What not many people talk about—at least not in my circles—is how hard it can be to witness a mind that won’t shut the fuck up. I hoped that, at the end of the process, I could write about how meditation disrupted my stress and created peace of mind. It was anything but. This specific practice had us meditate on certain thoughts, and I could barely do that. Instead, I sat daily observing my mind play out dramatic scenes.
It makes me wonder if this restlessness has anything to do with growing up on The Young and the Restless and Days of Our Lives. I was listening to someone tell a story the other day, and I said, ‘If I want that kind of drama in my life, I’ll turn on the Housewives.’ What I should have said was, ‘If I want that kind of drama in my life, I’ll just sit quietly with myself.’
It would make sense that those close to me don’t always understand where I’m coming from—my mind goes in so many directions.
Thankfully, by seeing all these parts of myself—and often feeling defeated by meditation—I’ve slowly stopped labeling my thoughts as good or bad. With that distance, I’ve started recognizing them as familiar patterns, the ones that cloud my judgment, feelings, and responses. These patterns led me to choose chaos over contentment more often than I’d like to admit.
Much like the ‘pause’ I wrote about before, this process creates a bigger space—time to choose how I want to feel or think before reacting. My plan is to continue a meditation practice but with a twist.
When I get lost in my mind’s noise, I’ll simply say: ‘I heard everything you said.
Let’s Chat: I Heard Everything You Said
Ever feel like your thoughts are screaming for attention but no one seems to be listening? I get it. That’s why I want to invite you to do a little journaling exercise with me.
Try this out:
1. Find a quiet spot where you can let your thoughts flow. Write about times you’ve felt unheard—what’s been bothering you, what you wish you could say, or just what’s been swirling in your mind.
2. Once you’ve poured it all out, take a moment to read it back to yourself. At the bottom, write this simple phrase: “I heard everything you said.”
This isn’t just about getting it out there; it’s about learning to listen within and get clear on your own voice.
Share Your Thoughts
I’d love to hear what comes up for you. If you’re comfortable, drop your reflections in the comments. What did this exercise bring to light? How did it feel to acknowledge your thoughts? Let’s create a space where we can all listen and support one another.
I heard everything you said 😉