At First Sight

When you meet someone and know 'something' is there

A friend and I had just left a community meet up when she mentioned all the ‘cute boys’ that were there.

With a big smile and excitement in her voice she looked at me, It’s exciting isn’t it?! I think I want to ask ‘x’ for his number.

I don’t know, my friend. This is a place for us to come and connect with others and not have any drama.

What do you mean by drama? It’s just dating.

I half laughed. It’s never ‘just dating’. And what I mean is maybe spend time getting to know the person before you ask them out on a date. Make sure that you’re interested beyond the initial attraction. That way if things don’t pan out, you won’t feel weird about seeing him or coming back into the space.

Is this one of those ‘don’t pee in your own pool’ things?

Well, no. I’d pee in my pool. And I would pee in your pool. But I’d question peeing in a community pool. What if it contains that chemical that changes the color of the water when you pee? Everyone sees it. Then you’re the girl that peed in the pool. Even if people act like it’s not a big deal, they don’t forget. I definitely wouldn’t forget everyone knowing I peed in the community pool. I’d have a hard time going back. Too embarrassing. All I’m saying is that you should spend some time getting to know the person, first. Not risk your place and sense of comfort in the community, I said in a my motherly tone

Naturally, it would be less than twenty four hours later that I would meet someone in said community and question if anyone would notice if I peed.

Oh, and completely lose my cool.

It was still light out when we walked outside. Small groups had formed and people were talking amongst themselves. My friend, more familiar with the crowd, led the way. If it had just been me, I would have felt overwhelmed, unsure of where to go and who to talk to and left. She walked right up to a man and started talking to him.

This is my friend Ash, she said. I looked towards this person’s hand as he reached out for mine and then up to his eyes as we both said, ‘hi and nice to meet you’.

I felt a subtle shock go through my system.

I’ve learned over the years to pay attention to this electric feeling as it’s a very, very rare experience for me. It’s occurred only a handful of times. Usually indicative to ‘something’ is here, yet impossible for me to discern if it’s something beyond the bedroom.

But this electric feeling had another quality to it that I wasn’t familiar with. I thought of the french expressions, un coup de foudre; a bolt of lightning, love at first sight.

Like a magnet, I felt pulled towards this person. I needed to be in his arms. Next to him. My arm around him, his around me. The feeling was the opposite of what most men bring up in me.

I didn’t just want to be next to him, I wanted to be with him. 

It wasn’t because this person was considered ‘attractive’ by all conventional standards. That part was actually surprising; I'm typically a sucker for bad teeth and questionable hairlines. If any hair at all.

I love a good 5’8 to 5’11. Add a splash of rancid body odor and I’ll turn my life upside down.  

Unfortunately, I was all too aware of my behavior. Like I was watching a movie of myself; saw myself talking; saw my body moving with his; saw myself watch his every move; felt the grin on my face; my mouth slightly agape.

There was laughing. Immediate banter. I think I might have even pushed -slash- touched, (dare I say groped???!!!) his arm over something he said to me. I couldn’t control anything happening in my body or what was coming out of my mouth.

I looked at my friend with wide eyes when he started talking to someone else. She laughed as I mouthed, ‘what is happening????’

It was awkward. I was awkward.

To give you a full understanding and visual of what said interaction looked like, I present to you ‘Baby meets Johnny in Dirty Dancing’.

I’m Baby. Obviously.

I know what you’re thinking; you’re a dating coach! The expert who writes about the sex being great! If you can’t play it cool, who can?!

Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and leading expert in her field- “the most referenced scholar on the science of love and attraction” and has been quoted saying:

You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake, but then, when you sit down and eat it, you just feel that rush of joy. And in the same way, I know a lot about love. I know a lot about marriage. I know a lot about adultery and divorce; I know something about the brain; I certainly know — hopefully know something about evolution. But I’m just like you and everybody else: When it hits you, you’re off to the races.

As my friend and I drove off, I looked at her. I put my hands on my face and started laughing again.

Oh my gawd! I said. Was that so obvious? Did I just freak him out? Did everyone notice that?

I think it was mutual, Ash, she said.

I’m dying. Why was that so uncomfortable? Why am I so uncomfortable?! And fuck me!! IT’S A COMMUNITY POOL!

Yah, so what are you going to do about that?

Later that night while soaking in the tub and eating Thai Coffee ice cream out of the pint, I started giggling at what it is to see me ‘like someone’. How fun and ridiculous it all is.

I reflected on a question my friend asked me on our way home;

If you don’t date people you meet in your community/groups and aren’t on dating apps, how do you plan on meeting someone?

It was a fair question, but not one worth mulling over.

The more pressing question is ‘how does one prevent electric shock when peeing in a pool’?